1000mg Depakote
30mg Celexa
and 100mg of Seroquel

For while, I recorded my dreams while on this medication, and after awhile, my memory became more and more fuzzy, and not so much useful for dreams. I have dreams up to par with this one every once in awhile.

This dream recorded is one I find the most memorable, and yet one of the most bizarre I've had.

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The air is heavy, and I can hear a note being playing on a piano. It's very high octave, perhaps 3 octaves above normal. It's being played with another note; it sounds kind of diminished, and it's in a specific beat.

I can't see anything. Everything is pitch black. The air gets heavier, and the dimished piano chord gets more and more intense every few minutes it seems. Suddenly, I fall to the ground, and start crawling through what seems like emptiness. What I'm crawling on has no feel. It's merely a force not letting my hand go through it.

In the distance, I can see a figure walking. It's a bright red. Each time I blink, it comes closer toward me. It's a figure of a man; he has no face. He has what seems to be tentacles; black. None like a squid or an octopus, but just made of dark matter. His face starts turning into a mouth; a dirty one. I blink again, and not 3 feet in front of me, this figure seems like it's ready to consume me.

I stand up, and begin to sweat while the temperature seems to be getting cooler. What's made up of this floor I'm standing on starts to fall, becoming a tile finish; I fall through it into a white space with black stars.

The figure is behind me, holding an apple, offering it to me. He then asks me my name, and naturally, I say, "Brandon; and yours?"

He then replied, "I'm dying, and I hope you're dying too."

Hey Blake!

Thanx so much for your thoughts. I did the "opiate shuffle", and by that I mean scoring street drugs that weren't prescribed to me. Just that in itself was an 18-year long nightmare--what to speak of the dreams I had; all were sad & depressing if I had any at all. Well, praise God, the opiate thing has been history for 21+ years now, and lucid dreaming has proven to be a real fun hobby with some personal growth thrown in. I think it was Arnie Palmer who practiced a golf swing in a lucid dream--resulting in an excellent score in an upcoming game!

Right now I'm addressing a bipolar issue (formerly and quite uncharitably known as manic-depression), and I take a mood-stabilizer; anti-depressants are a no-no for me; even the Remeron I took a year or so ago (see earlier post) proved to be a bummer, and my current med is following suit; I'll speak to my doctor next week about coming off AND not starting anything else. For 14 years I've wandered in a prescription-med Disneyland
only to find that there simply is no pill that's gonna make everything alright all the time. Sure, I've got bipolar issues, however it's been my experience that activity, positive thinking, prayer, and behavior modification done by me is a 4-Point Plan that works just fine. In short...I'm just sick & tired of f****n pills!
The phrase "medical junkie" comes to mind, and my history of being a REAL junkie is painful enough without handing myself the b.s. that "...because the doc prescribes it, it's ok." That is a bunch of nonsense; doctors are only too quick to prescribe a pill--all's you gotta do is "present" with "symptoms" that will get you the med you desire--and I realize now that in the past 14 years that's exactly what I've been doing--even if I did not consciously realize the fact!

So it's adios mood-altering chems. My trust is now placed in the Hands of Almighty God, and the ol' R (me) as well. I think, my brother, that there's more good stuff to us than we admit TO ourselves--and the pharmaceutical firms take that info and run for a field-goal with it. Please understand that I'm not against the taking of meds...hey, if you need to take something--then you need to take something, so please note that the word "Mister" --not "Doctor" preceeds my name. It would be the ultimate in arrogance for me to advise anyone to stop taking meds on my say-so, as well as would be a grave disservice. I know of a case where some JERK pressured a guy who had schizophrenia to stop taking his medication. Result? The committed suicide. Shame on that A-hole who gave him his "counsel" on the matter.

As for lucid-dreaming: this med I'm currently taking (and which, starting next week, I'll start weaning myself off under medical supervision of course) has not only stopped any lucid dreams...it's stopped ALL my dreams!

I wake up in the morning sans any dreams, and I feel emotionally constipated throughout the day. Yo! We NEED dreams, and any competent doctor/therapist would and should agree.

Be well & God bless.

"Raj"

That being said, the drug Fentanyl ( a synthetic opiate 40x the strength of heroin and responsible for the "china white" epidemic when people used it as a cutting agent) was prescribed to me in patch form. It is worn for 3 days and then replaced.

Without exception, I had horrible, extremely vivid nightmares EVERY night. Also, and this happens sometimes without drugs, but not as often, I would frequently wake up to my father calling me. I'd go into his room, only to have him wake up confused to tell me he never called me. This happened many times. Obviously, I don't take it anymore.

A strange note is that I have taken this drug in lollipop (yes, a lollipop and it tastes GREAT) form without these effects. Exact same, composition, same drug exactly.

That is good news! It's great when someone is able to recognize and seize that opportunity to work through the underlying issues, emotions, etc., in a positive way. We often forget our nightmares are as much a part of us as our happier dreams. I wish I'd been able to make more productive use of the span of lucid nightmares I mentioned in this post. I've had luck in that regard with previous lucid nightmares but I didn't have nearly as much luck this time around. But, it did give me some new ideas for a story I've been writing in my spare time, and writing is my own way of tapping my creativity and working through things at the same time, so the nightmares were productive in a roundabout way.

~Kris

1)TRAZADONE: I had a graphic nightmare which concerned a departed family member, and an unresolved guilt issue that has still haunts me to this day, although I am working through it one day at a time - as the old saying goes. In the dream, the person appeared and just lambasted me with rage and lack of forgiveness. I was badly shaken by the dream, and as I recall I was also taking PROZAC. Perhaps the combination had something to do with this, because I've subsequently taken TRAZADONE sans PROZAC with no nightmares.

2)REMERON: This med (which I'm currently taking)usually presents with pleasant dreams of epic proportion; I could write short stories on the dreams I get, and they're frequently lucid to add to the fun. Only one dream was very unpleasant, and I'm assuming that one's state of mind before retiring at night contributes to the quality of the dream experience. I was in kind of a blue funk, so the uhpleasant dream I got was no doubt a result. All in all, I find REMERON quite a 'fun' antidepressant because it adds to REM sleep - and that's probably how it got its name.